Giving Thanks....

What a year! I know it has been some time since I blogged. Since the competition that I missed on October 8th, some funky things have gone on in my life.

2 days before the NGA competition I woke up with my right eye swollen shut. BAH! I went to the doctor and they determined that it was seasonal allergies. The doc said that even my sclera (the white part of my eyeball) was swollen. They gave me allergy eye drops and benadryl. I couldn't compete for a few reasons.

1) The NGA does not give out Quasimoto look-alike awards (if they had, I would've nailed it)
2) I can't walk in my back pose on stage the entire time
3) I couldn't wear my contacts and I literally can see about 6 inches in front of my face....me + heels + stage + posing + blindness = fall on my ass
4) They won't let you wear bedazzled eye patches

*sigh*

So, no comp for me. I figured 'That's ok! I will be better in a week and start training for next year!'......

Since then, my eyes have become swollen 2 more times. This last Tuesday I woke up with both of them swollen. I was blind. Chris had to drive me to the eye specialist where the doc told me "They look angry and beat up, no contacts for 3 to 6 months." They gave me a steroid to take and I go back in on Tuesday. Between that, my comp and my Raynauds I have been feeling pretty beat down by life recently.

Over this past week I missed two days of work because I was unable to stare at a computer screen, my eyes are photosensitive. Without being able to look at a computer or a television and without being able to drive, I had a lot of time to reflect. I cried a lot, I ate a shit ton of pancakes (yes, I am PMSing) and when I was done I started thinking about how much worse things could be.

So my eyes are mad at me. Ok, I will take care of them. My hands hurt sometimes and my feet as well which make it difficult to be in the cold....I will just keep trying. The vegan thing doesn't really suck at all anymore and I can continue to do it and it has truly helped me.

When I was little, my mom used to tell my brothers and I several Mexican 'words of wisdom'. A lot of them have stuck, but when I was reflecting on the attitude I choose one in particular comes to mind:

Always be thankful for what you have, because no matter how tough things are for you someone always has it worse.

Mami may be a little loco, but she was right. I have a loving family. I have loving friends. My immune system might be 'on the fritz', but overall I still have my health. I have food (sometimes too much). I have a roof. I have a warm bed. I have my sanity (most days). I can have carbs (thank you, thank you!). I have my whole life to live still and figure this shit out. By Thursday I had come to the conclusion that my autoimmune-allergy-for-the-love-of-humanity stricken body could eat a bag of dicks and go fuck itself. If there is anything I have learned being a nurse, I know that things could always be worse and the mind is the most powerful thing we have.

So, this November I am giving thanks. Thank you for the challenges in my life, without these I would not be who I am. They make me stronger. Thank you to my patients, family and friends. You help me stay focused. Thank you to my mother for helping me stay grounded, always. XoXo