I had an interesting run in with ugliness last night. Ugly comes in all shapes and forms, but I think the worst is meanness and being judgmental.
My good friend called me crying after another friend of mine was mean to her. My heart sank. I wished I was with my friend on the phone so I could give her a hug and I also wish that I could hug the friend that was mean. They are both good and loving people. I think sometimes we use others as targets to make ourselves feel better when we don't know what else to do.
The older I get, the more I learn how little I know. It is easy to pass judgment. Easy to assume what you would do if you were in someone else's shoes. We are all guilty of it, whether it is intentional or not. My dad always tells me two things that “people generally do the best they can with what they know” and “it is important to love people for who they are, because most people really are good”. I think this is true.
What works for one, may not work for another. People are just people, after all. We are all just trying to figure this whole life thing out and it is inevitable that we will make mistakes along the way. Some mistakes hurt others, some just hurt us. This is just a part of life that each of us should accept. These choices we make are not ammunition we use to hurt others, especially not at the age of thirty.
When I was working on a spinal cord injury unit at the hospital, I took care of people with all different backgrounds. Gangsters, ex-convicts, illegal aliens, Christians, homosexuals, white supremist, etc. Literally I saw it all. No matter what the situation though, my dad's advice rang true. All of these people were good and loving and were just trying to do the best they could with what they knew. I have cried with a gang member and his mother. I have hugged a man when his boyfriend was dying. I have helped a Mexican with no insurance or social security number get better and find a home. I have prayed with a family when their daughter was sick. I have cried when an ex-convict who had become my good friend decided to die. All of these people were good. They have all made choices in life that have affected them positively and negatively. Who am I to judge?
Next time you think you know what is best for someone, next time you think you know how the world works....remind yourself that you don’t. No one knows. We are all just trying to do the best we can. Love people for who they are. It doesn't mean you should be everyone's best friend, but remember that hurtful words still hurt.
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