The Bucket List

When I started this blog I thought it was mainly because I wanted to hold myself accountable for health goals that I wanted to reach by my 30th birthday. 7 months have passed since said birthday and as I begin this journey into the "dirty thirties", I can't help but think that perhaps I am having some sort of a quaterly-life-crisis (that is of course assuming that I will live to be 120).

I have found myself reflecting a lot on my life, my choices and what I want to accomplish. To say that I regret anything would be a lie. I regret nothing. Everything that I have experienced has brought me to this point in my life and for that I am thankful. It is best to have no regrets. What happens, happens. Some say things happen for a reason, some say it is destiny, some say shit happens. Regardless, it has been my life's mission to live without regrets. Perhaps this is why I find myself in such a pickle today.

When I was having breakfast with my father a few Sundays ago, he mentioned how happy he is that I am "checking off my bucket list". I smiled and wondered "Is that what I'm doing?"

I think that I thought (wording?) that I would have accomplished more of the things on my list at this point in my life. I have come to the conclusion that when I started this blog, it was subconciously more than just a goal-setter. I was setting out a mission. Holding myself accountable to accomplish all of the things I want in life.

When I was 13, I thought that by the time I was 30 I would be "settled down".......

let me stop things right there. Who in the fuck came up with the phrase "settled down"? Seems to me it is a nice way of saying chained to a house, a spouse and kids. Not that I am saying those things are bad, but that is what it sounds like. Like when you "settle down" you buy your house, pump out some kidlets and wait to die.....but I digress.

Ok, so at 13 I thought I would be 'chained' to all of those things. White picket fence, the dog, the kids, the whole shit-in-a-bag. Happy, right? Turns out that isn't what I wanted. I got married. I got divorced. I bought a house. I sold the house. I got a dog. He shits in the house....hmmm......I took in a homeless Mexican dog, what can I say?

So now I am thinking perhaps I should start a bucket list. Don't get me wrong, I love kids....but I still don't know if that whole package is for me. I can barely remember to feed my dog each day and sometimes I think he is passive aggressive about it.....is that possible?

So, here it is. I will begin my bucket list. Here on this blog.....where to start?

Focus! Focus! Focus!

Finding motivation this last week has NOT been easy. I've been reading the Hungry Runner Girl Blog, Making Goal Lists and catching up on my new Oxygen Magazine that came in the mail....but, tis the season. All I have wanted to do this week is put on some sweats and curl up with a good book. (I am currently reading "What's Your Number" HILARIOUS! Love me some chick lit.) Maybe eat some toast, or possibly some mac n cheese....or some more pancakes.....

Do you see this downward spiral?

I have my workouts and I have the tools, but I am lacking that extra *umph* of motivation this week. I thought it might help for me to list some of my to do's on here:

1) one hour of cardio every other day with a run on the off days 6 days a week
2) lifting 6 days a week in a 4 day rotation
3) eat every 3 hours clean proteins and carbs.....mmmmm carbs
4) I get a coffee every day....this is not negotiable....sorry Shane

OK, now that is out of the way. Let's discuss some other things. Things like one of my favorite new carbs.

PANCAKES!!!

I love them. Delicious. I have been making instant at home with all natural pancake mix, almond milk and water (you don't need the oil, just use water instead). You can even add ground flaxseed or protein powder....whatever you like!

I went with my padre a few weeks ago to Sage Cafe. It is a vegan restaurant dowtown that serves delicious homemade breakfasts on Saturdays and Sundays. We each had almond and apple pancakes with blueberry syrup.

YES! I took a bite and then remembered to take a picture....but look at how delicious they are! You can check out their menu at http://www.sagescafe.com/

I'm Allergic to Ugly....

"I hate ugliness. You know I'm allergic to ugliness" - Imelda Marcos

I had an interesting run in with ugliness last night. Ugly comes in all shapes and forms, but I think the worst is meanness and being judgmental.

My good friend called me crying after another friend of mine was mean to her. My heart sank. I wished I was with my friend on the phone so I could give her a hug and I also wish that I could hug the friend that was mean. They are both good and loving people. I think sometimes we use others as targets to make ourselves feel better when we don't know what else to do.

The older I get, the more I learn how little I know. It is easy to pass judgment. Easy to assume what you would do if you were in someone else's shoes. We are all guilty of it, whether it is intentional or not.  My dad always tells me two things that “people generally do the best they can with what they know” and “it is important to love people for who they are, because most people really are good”. I think this is true.

What works for one, may not work for another. People are just people, after all. We are all just trying to figure this whole life thing out and it is inevitable that we will make mistakes along the way. Some mistakes hurt others, some just hurt us. This is just a part of life that each of us should accept. These choices we make are not ammunition we use to hurt others, especially not at the age of thirty.

When I was working on a spinal cord injury unit at the hospital, I took care of people with all different backgrounds. Gangsters, ex-convicts, illegal aliens, Christians, homosexuals, white supremist, etc. Literally I saw it all. No matter what the situation though, my dad's advice rang true. All of these people were good and loving and were just trying to do the best they could with what they knew. I have cried with a gang member and his mother. I have hugged a man when his boyfriend was dying. I have helped a Mexican with no insurance or social security number get better and find a home. I have prayed with a family when their daughter was sick. I have cried when an ex-convict who had become my good friend decided to die. All of these people were good. They have all made choices in life that have affected them positively and negatively. Who am I to judge?

Next time you think you know what is best for someone, next time you think you know how the world works....remind yourself that you don’t. No one knows. We are all just trying to do the best we can. Love people for who they are. It doesn't mean you should be everyone's best friend, but remember that hurtful words still hurt.

Giving Thanks....

What a year! I know it has been some time since I blogged. Since the competition that I missed on October 8th, some funky things have gone on in my life.

2 days before the NGA competition I woke up with my right eye swollen shut. BAH! I went to the doctor and they determined that it was seasonal allergies. The doc said that even my sclera (the white part of my eyeball) was swollen. They gave me allergy eye drops and benadryl. I couldn't compete for a few reasons.

1) The NGA does not give out Quasimoto look-alike awards (if they had, I would've nailed it)
2) I can't walk in my back pose on stage the entire time
3) I couldn't wear my contacts and I literally can see about 6 inches in front of my face....me + heels + stage + posing + blindness = fall on my ass
4) They won't let you wear bedazzled eye patches

*sigh*

So, no comp for me. I figured 'That's ok! I will be better in a week and start training for next year!'......

Since then, my eyes have become swollen 2 more times. This last Tuesday I woke up with both of them swollen. I was blind. Chris had to drive me to the eye specialist where the doc told me "They look angry and beat up, no contacts for 3 to 6 months." They gave me a steroid to take and I go back in on Tuesday. Between that, my comp and my Raynauds I have been feeling pretty beat down by life recently.

Over this past week I missed two days of work because I was unable to stare at a computer screen, my eyes are photosensitive. Without being able to look at a computer or a television and without being able to drive, I had a lot of time to reflect. I cried a lot, I ate a shit ton of pancakes (yes, I am PMSing) and when I was done I started thinking about how much worse things could be.

So my eyes are mad at me. Ok, I will take care of them. My hands hurt sometimes and my feet as well which make it difficult to be in the cold....I will just keep trying. The vegan thing doesn't really suck at all anymore and I can continue to do it and it has truly helped me.

When I was little, my mom used to tell my brothers and I several Mexican 'words of wisdom'. A lot of them have stuck, but when I was reflecting on the attitude I choose one in particular comes to mind:

Always be thankful for what you have, because no matter how tough things are for you someone always has it worse.

Mami may be a little loco, but she was right. I have a loving family. I have loving friends. My immune system might be 'on the fritz', but overall I still have my health. I have food (sometimes too much). I have a roof. I have a warm bed. I have my sanity (most days). I can have carbs (thank you, thank you!). I have my whole life to live still and figure this shit out. By Thursday I had come to the conclusion that my autoimmune-allergy-for-the-love-of-humanity stricken body could eat a bag of dicks and go fuck itself. If there is anything I have learned being a nurse, I know that things could always be worse and the mind is the most powerful thing we have.

So, this November I am giving thanks. Thank you for the challenges in my life, without these I would not be who I am. They make me stronger. Thank you to my patients, family and friends. You help me stay focused. Thank you to my mother for helping me stay grounded, always. XoXo

Fat Free Vegan Apple-Banana Breakfast Muffins

I just made these muffins tonight! They are soooo yummy. This recipe calls for apple juice, so there is no need for any butters or oils - hence the fat-freeness. Best part is they are insanely easy to make.

2 c flour
4 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 c sugar
1 1/2 c apple juice
1 apple diced
2 ripe bananas mashed

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Mix it all up and pour batter into lightly greased muffin pan. Fill each cup about 2/3 full. Bake 35 - 40 min or until muffins raise and are golden brown.

Vegan Goods!

Chris and I went to dinner last night at the Blue Plate Diner. It is on 2100 South and 2100 East in Sugarhouse. Very delicious, locally owned diner that is known for their reasonably priced comfort food. I have been there before, but not as a vegan. VERY vegan friendly menu. There are actual vegan dishes listed on the menu! YUM! I ordered the hummus dip and vegan burger with cajun fries. Delicious!

It was nice to splurge out of my current diet comfort zone and have a burger and fries! I have also been looking for vegan dishes that are quick to make and HEALTHY. I am not a fan of any frozen foods, really. Prepackaged foods are generally loaded with sodium and other poisons that are poop. I was in whole foods the other day and stumbled across this 365 brand vegan PIZZA!! If there has been anything that I miss, it is cheese and pizza. They carry a roasted vegetable pizza that is only 150 calories! Sodium is high, 380 mg, but I was willing to sacrifice a little salt for a pizza. I cooked this up this afternoon and added some Daiya dairy-free cheese in Mozarella and Cheddar flavor. It was divine.

Hooray for instant vegan food! 365 also makes a gluten-free vegan pizza on rice crust. The one I chose was whole wheat.

No NPC for me....

Everything has been going wonderfully. I met with my trainer, Tiffany Heugly, on sunday to go over some of the NPC posing. I am leaner then I was at the NGA show. I was exhausted, but ready to go on stage. Still continuing with the vegan diet and I had yet to even have as much as a sniffle from allergies in over 6 months.

I woke up Thursday morning and my right eye was as swollen. It was as though someone had cut a golf ball in half and covered my eyeball with it. My eyes were watering, my sneezing had returned. I went to work that morning, then went home early and went straight to the doctor to reveal my worst nightmare. It wasn't an infection, it was my allergies again. The doctor said that it was "quite impressive" and that even my sclera (the white part of your eyeball) was swollen. He gave me a prescription for allergy eye drops and told me to put ice on it and take benadryl. I am not allowed to put my contacts in until the swelling is gone. I can see about 5 inches in front of my face. Glasses are not an option on stage.

I told my trainer and it turns out that both benadryl and panitol (eye drops) cause water retention. I had been on a diuretic to do the exact opposite. No good. My eye was burning. I can't even put lotion on my face, let alone a spray tan and stage makeup. So, here I am quasimoto, blind, sneezing, bloated, swollen eyes and face.....beautiful. Does NPC give a sympathy award?

I pulled myself out of the show. If I can't give 100% I don't want to do it. The down side?

Today is the day of the show. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little emotional. The up side?

My goal was to be in the best shape of my life. I am. I weigh the same I did when I was 17. I have leaned out a ton and all I have to gain is more muscle from here on out, so when I compete in the spring I will give those girls a run for their money.

Chris has been wonderful. I couldn't ask for better support or a better friend. When I asked him if this made me a quitter, his response was "You've done ALL the work already. That's not quitting."

I have had more support and love from friends and family and I am overwhelmed with happiness.

Tiffany and Shane Heugly are AMAZING!! They did everything that they could think of to help me to still compete. When I left the gym on sunday, Tiffany said "whatever happens, you've already won." It was that little sentence that helped me decide my health was more important than one show. They have had nothing but positive reinforcement and encouragement.

I got to eat chips and salsa. Oatmeal. A latte. Vegan mac n' cheese. Awesome!

So, that is my story. I will continue to update you with my off-season training and some yummy new vegan recipes!

Love, Sum XoXo

P.S. My before and after pics are up on teamheugly.com under women's results and there are some more pics under paparazzi 2